Mom Lies

I want to give a shout out to Sophie, Finn's cousin and to her younger brother and sister.  What's up extended host family!

Source: Meetville

The host kid wants to know my age.  No one knows my age.  My own mother has forgotten the year of my birth and therefore cannot calculate it.  Why lie? Mostly because I do not want to get older.  I fear aging.  Not death.  Aging.  It helps that I act like I'm fourteen, and I moisturize, and eat well, and exercise, but I know it will come eventually.  But hey, you know what they say: You are only as old as you look.  And save me the lectures about growing old gracefully.  If I can't grow old like Gwyneth Paltrow or Blythe Danner (filthy, stinking rich with cooks, personal trainers and enough money to pay people to follow me around and slap food out of my hand), then I don't want to think about it.  Did you know they are mother and daughter?

So when the host kid asked how old I was when my birthday came two weeks ago, I smiled and proudly replied (unashamed of my age), "I'm turning 30!"

To which he replied, "If you are 30, I am 21."

He is, in fact, not 21.  Taken out of context it sounds really harsh, but that was exactly what I meant to do,. So mission accomplished. I'm the victim (she whispered).

I asked Finn how old his dad was.  Then I said, "Don't tell me how old your mom is."  He did without hesitation, but Babsi, your secret is safe with me!

This is not the only lie I tell (actually, if we are in Honest Town, I lie a lot).  But because I also believe in transparency and giving kids a fighting chance, I decided to confess to Mom Lies.

Now I have already told the bonus daughter about these lies.  Like when her mother told her if she brought home a fish she won at the fair, she would have to get ride of their dog.  Their Labra-doodle.  That they bought from a breeder.  Yeah, I call mom lie on that one. (I saved the fish she won, Golden Medallion.   We called him Sam for short.  He lived for 2 weeks). (Also, she called me on one when I told her I couldn't go outside and play because I had to help my mom with dinner.  After 20 seconds of awkward staring I yelled, "Ok, Fine! I'm not helping with dinner! I just think the outside smells bad.)  (I went to play because I am a sucker.)

Moms tell these lies because:
1. they think their children need to hear them
2. the mom benefits from the lie
3. the family benefits from the lie
4. the lie was told to them by their mothers

It is possible moms are telling Mom Lies right now and do not even realize they are doing it! Besides the age lie, here are other lies:

1. Oh, no.  I think it's broken
2. I can't go play with you right now, I have to (insert chore here that can be put off until later or that you weren't going to do anyway)
3. Don't read in the dark, you'll hurt your eyes (or watch TV too closely) (here's a whole list of eye myths)
4. Eat your crust; it will give you rosy cheeks (if eating the burnt part of the bread made me pretty, why don't we burn all of it?)
5. I don't remember...
6. I have never done anything illegal/immoral/shady
7. Because then I would have to give to/do for your brother(s)/sister(s)
8. I don't think we have that size battery
9. That store/restaurant is closed
10. Because that is how people get kidnapped (ok, that was might actually be true)

Kids, if you have been subjected to these lies, I am sorry.  They were told for your own good or for the betterment of a loved one.  Probably to preserve the sanity of your mother (bonus mom, host mom).

And one day, Lord willin', you will telling these same lies to your children.