Lesson 37 Learn from the Host Kid: I am a Control Freak

Isn't it funny how when you are trying to be quit everything sounds really loud?

He has the flu.  He had it a week before the doctor would test him.  He is sleeping the day off.  And The Brit and I are hammering and vacuuming and making curtains, activities that sounded a lot quieter in my head...

I guess I always new I was a control freak.

No I didn't.  That is a lie.  But everyone else new I suppose.

The realization started when I began to reflect on why I chose to send Finn to a different high school in our district rather than the one we fall under by our address.  (And by reflect I mean cuss silently to myself because I have to be on time every morning because someone else depends on me. Had I let him go to our neighborhood school, he could ride the bus.)

I chose to send him to a different school because of the opportunities it offered.  He would not be a celebrity in a school of over 2,000 students (as opposed to 500) with several foreign exchange students and even more whose English is not their first language.  He would be offered more classes, more sports.  More.

But as I reflect now, I am thinking it may have had something to do with the fact that I work at this high school.  It is not my home base, but it is one of the schools in which I work.  With him here, I can watch, protect... control.

The other heads up came this week when The Brit offered to take the host kid back to the doctor.  I was a nervous wreck (although appreciative that The Brit offered to help out, thanks babe!)  What if The Brit didn't tell the doctor the right thing? What if he couldn't get his prescription filled? What if he couldn't take care of our host son the way I could?!

This control stems from a few things: 1. I am the eldest of three girls.  I was responsible for a lot.  2. I am probably the most narcissistic person you will ever meet.

This is self-diagnosed.  Well, internet-diagnosed.  The Brit came home one day from work, early in our relationship, and announced that he had taken an online test but didn't want to tell me the results.

"It's a test to tell if you are a narcissist.  I think it's out of 30.  I got a 26."  Of course he told me.  We tell each other everything.  I immediately wanted to know where I ranked on the scale of loving oneself.

I took the test (which the easiest test I have ever taken) and when the score popped up, I quickly covered the screen with a yelp.  "What?" The Brit asked.

"The test is not out of 30," I answered.  How did I know?  I had scored a 36.  At the bottom it politely suggested that I seek professional help for Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

I am a control freak because I think I can do it better than everyone else.

I went birthday shopping for my niece today who wanted nothing more than a big stuffed bear.  And a diary with a lock on it.  I picked one up and loved it so much, we had a selfie good time.

 

When I shared these pics with my sister and my mother and announced I had decided to keep the bear, my mother loving pointed out that I loved the bear so much because I finally had a friend I could control.  Ouch.

It can affect work, too, but I seriously try to keep it in check.  I am also the most self-aware person you will ever meet (either that or it's the NPD talking...)

My sister told me the other day she opened a tea bag or something and it asked her to think of the most selfless person she knew.  She told me that my face immediately popped into her head.  But then she said she also thought of me when asked the most selfish person she knew.  Weird...

So friends, The Brit, family, host kid, I am sorry I am so controlling.  It's not that I think you can't handle it.

(There are no pictures of the host kid because he is asleep and cannot approved pics, and I am tying to keep his trust.  Ok, earn it.  He read the Mom Lies and knows I am a big, fat liar.)