My sister Sarah tells me I talk about "getting" Finn and Lily as if they were pets. And it's true. Sort of. When people ask me about me bonus daughter, I say, "I got her when she was six."
Well, it's true. She was six when we were introduced that day at the Zoo. We were like peas and carrots after that. If we are comparing her to a puppy, she was a stray that wondered into my life. A stray that you fall immediately in love with (although, honestly, God makes children cute for the same reason puppies and kittens are cute: It makes it harder to get rid of them. Staring into the eyes of a fully-grown dog or an overweight cat does not make you say AWWWEEEEE! the way a tiny kitten or a fluffy puppy does. It's biology guys.)
I say I "got her" because that is the moment I took responsibility for making sure she turned into a healthy, emotionally-adjusted adult.
When people ask about Finn, I say, "We got him three weeks ago." But Finn was not a stray. Finn was a puppy I deliberately went to get. I made the choice, as my husband pointed out this evening, "to complicate my life" with another child.
Let me say that Finn and I have a blast together. Whether it's doing homework, putting up curtains, making dinner, or hanging out with Rinky (my mom took us to dinner tonight), we have fun.
The Brit (my hubby) is an only child. So he is used to attention. When Lily comes to stay on the weekends, it is a struggle for my attention between the two of them. The Brit reverts and it is like having two children in the house.
Tonight it was three.
The Brit is asking questions, the host son is showing me videos and the bonus daughter is demanding that I sing karaoke with her on my iPhone (that game is WAY harder than it looks.) This is all while I am trying to write thank you notes from my birthday a few weeks ago.
I know the Brit has been working long hours... but I feel like a single bonus-host mom.
And again, please do not misunderstanding me, and if you are a mom you know what I mean, it is just that I am understanding this for the first time in my life. Kids change everything. Having two is not like having one. We were not prepared for the change.
And it is totally worth it. The memories I make with my bonus daughter and host son are the best. I suppose it is because I am a kid at heart, but I laugh so much when I am with the two of them, together or separately. And Finn is so good to Lily. And they are both so good to me. And good for me.
My husband will not read this. Because there are no pictures and I will not announce it, Finn may not read it. But my sisters (who are both mothers) will. And Babsi (Finn's mother) will. And my bestie, who is the best listener in the entire world and can relate to feeling responsible for ones that are not "yours" will. And Vanessa might (shout out to Vanessa!) To you woman, and all the other moms out there, with tears streaming, and appreciation flowing, I want to say bless you for bringing life into this world and allowing it to change yours. You are strong and amazing and the world is a better place because of you. And so are all the children you care for, yours and "not yours".
UPDATE: I forgot (in all of my self-pity) to mention my wonderful friend Jennifer who has not one, but TWO bonus daughters. She is so good to those girls and not only a wonderful shoulder to learn on, but a great source of information and strategy, er--I mean parenting tips. Love you, Jack!
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