Talks of home

I can remember when he walked off the plane.  He was smaller than he is now, though perhaps imperceptibly.  He was so quiet.  How much he has changed.  Slightly taller, I think.  Larger shoe size.  Not so quiet now.  There are talks of going home.  Plans have changed and I am not allowed to say when, but we will be losing him.  It's amazing how much he has become part of our family.  From soccer to track, my sisters and parents follow him as if he were their own.  Even in the rain.

I have not written in a while.  Partly because I do not make time (see my blog post about being "busy".  And yes, the view from atop my high horse is fantastic), partly because the last time I posted the host kid and I got in a fight.  He says I do not tell things truthfully.  He is wrong.  I tell them exactly how I remember them; it just might not be that I remember them exactly how they happened.

That's why I started this blog.  To remember.  I wanted to be able to look back and experience all over again the feelings, events, hardships and triumphs of partially adopting a teenager.  I got much more than I bargained for.  But every time I sat down to write, I was afraid of not writing the truth.  It's kind of the same reason I have not blogged on my teacher blog in a while.  Afraid of failure.

But I am a trigger-puller.  I make decisions fast and finally.  So even though I am supposed to be working, I decided to sit down and write.  I was on the phone with my mother, getting advice about an upcoming interview, and we were trying to schedule track meets and soccer games and things we still want to do with Finn while he is here (Huber's, Claudia Sanders, there was another but I can't remember, hopefully she wrote it down.)  We started talking about the time we have left.

Don't let me fool you; part of me wants my life back, the life before the teenager (but the brochure I got from the exchange program said that was totally normal to feel that way.)  But a bigger part of me wonders what we will do without him.

I will not tell him I blogged today, but he will find it.  And when he does I hope he knows how much he has changed our lives forever.  He and his family.  Our family has grown and will never be the same.