Angry and

My therapist says that there is always another emotion present when you feel anger.  You are never just angry; you are angry AND.  Angry and disappointed. Angry and frustrated.  Angry and sad.

"Are you angry with me?"  My host son asks this question.  Not frequently, but enough.  Probably because I am extremely excitable and overly emotional.

"No," I answer. I don't know if I was lying.  I lie so much (see previous posts) that I don't even stop to think about whether or not I am telling the truth.  My brain is just trained to come up with the best answer.

"Have you ever been angry with me?"  That's the thing about this kid; he's too smart.  It's always easier to deal with people (and children) who are not as smart.  But he is smart.

He wanted an honest answer, so I stopped to think.  There are a lot of emotions that swirl around when I think about the past eight weeks, but anger was not one of them.  Fear, anxiety, disappointment, but not anger.

I have been angry with The Brit.  Angry and disappointed, angry and sad, angry and hurt.  I do not know why on God's green earth people would ever, ever, EVER have a baby to save a marriage. Children are hard on a marriage.  The Brit and I always argue more when Lily is with us.

Once Finn got here and was here all the time, every day, not just on the weekends and holidays, the Brit and I fought A LOT.  But this constant state of parenting, as opposed to the weekend parent I have become, helped me realize it was because we were raised differently and have much different relationships with our parents.  Of course that will cause problems when making decisions for and regarding children.  Also, he forgot momentarily that I am always right.

But we worked it out, and are better people having learned from it.

I asked Finn today how long he had been here. "Two months and two weeks.  It is halftime." I was off by a couple weeks.

I can't believe it's half over. We have a lot more memories to make.  The Hutchinson-Host Kid clan is just getting started.

(My sister says I need my edit my blog, no thank you.  The host kid said the last blog post was full of lies, duh.  #fulldisclosure)

A Culture of Differences: Our First Fight

This actually happened several weeks ago.  Or at least it seems.  At first I didn't write because it was fresh.  Then because I got busy.  Then because I forgot.  Lucky for me (and Finn) I leave Post-Its all over.

Kids are way more forgiving than adults.  This is a lesson I learned going from teaching students to teaching teachers.  Kids may get angry or upset over little things (my 2 year old nephew got mad at me because HE headbutted ME.  But he sure got over it quickly), but they can easily forgive (especially when candy is involved) and move on.

I realize that different cultures view time differently.  There are cultures who believe all times are suggestions.  Then there are cultures that believe if you are on time, you are late.

My family and I fall in the middle. And by the middle I mean on-time is a Unicorn that we know exists, even if we haven't experienced it.

The title incident happened one Saturday.  (I really think at this point he should have known my times were suggestions).  I had an itinerary set for the day which included Yoga, lunch, Go Karting, outlet shopping and dinner.  The problem started when I forgot my friend Jennifer would be over to finish the flooring in the basement that has been unfinished for longer than it has been finished.  She knows me and when it snowed texted me to tell me to leave 15 minutes early for yoga.  It took way longer than I thought which put us leaving a LOT later than I had planned.  The Brit and I were disagreeing a lot then (we have worked it out) and so he was in a bad mood and Finn was in a bad mood and everybody was in a bad mood.

I forget.  I forget he is in a different country with a different set of rules and expectations.  I forget that sometimes, it's the littlest things that remind us of, make us miss, and make us appreciate home.

In the end, we had a great time.  And I learned about his need for schedules.  He learned my need for adventure over-rides schedules.  Unless I get overwhelmed.  Then I need a schedule.

He still asks me for an hourly itinerary every weekend and most days.  We are very busy people (last weekend we threw a small party Friday night, did yoga, cleaning, Skyping, shopping, errands and dinner Saturday, then went to my mom and dads for birthday party Sunday. (Oh, and my cousin called with last minute tickets to Meghan Trainor and I TOTALLY WENT TO THAT.) On weekends we have Lily, a lot of time is spent crafting and creating.

I tried to explain that 7:00 means 7-ish.  I thought we had both learned our lesson.  But then last week, he was late to school. And it was all my fault.  From this he learned I am not an adult.  I need count downs every morning.  I may never grow out of this.  He will never grow out of being on time.  Not that I want him too.

In the end, he forgave me, for messing up the itinerary and for making him late to school.  It will happen again (there's an over-under for how many times it will happen again if you want in.)